I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
