We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
