don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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