Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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