I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
i just had sex bonerless
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
