And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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