you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
someone owes me an orgasm
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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