I smell stomach acid.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
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