he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
