please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
