There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize