it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
