Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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