Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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