Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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