Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I'm at about main and main street
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Randomize
