Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
