The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Randomize
