I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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