I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
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We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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