Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
