We got so high we made milksteak
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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