Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
how do flat chested girls get laid?
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Randomize
