the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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