what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
