Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
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