If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
