found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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