dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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