Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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