i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I've blown a few things in my day
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Randomize
