It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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