my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
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I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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