I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
