i think i have two assholes
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
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