she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
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