after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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