Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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