dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Randomize
