Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
