But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize