Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
