i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
