Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
You can't just leave with hair like that
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
