the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
