Grow some girl-balls and come out already
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
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