I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize