If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
