I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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