Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
he puts the penis in happiness.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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