I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
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