Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
