all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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