she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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