im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize
