He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
