I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
