I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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