I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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