He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
So squirting runs in the family.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
