You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
