I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
