id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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