thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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