the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
