But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
