Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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