don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
