I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
