If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
