Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
