what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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