yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
