yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
