Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
