I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
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Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
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Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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