i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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